(And the simple ways I started taking care of myself again)
I used to stay up late reading novels and had opinions about things that weren’t diapers or sleep schedules but that version was gone. In her place was someone who smelled like sour milk, answered to every cry or sneeze by the baby, and honestly couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something just for herself.
I didn’t even realize how lost I was until one day I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize my own eyes. They looked tired, yes, but more than that they looked empty.The spark had been dimmed.
That moment became the turning point.
Finding myself again after motherhood didn’t happen in one big dramatic moment. It happened in tiny, quiet choices. Small acts of remembering who I was before I became “Mom” and realizing that woman was still in there, just waiting to be invited back.
Here are the simple ways I started taking care of myself again. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, nothing that required hours of free time (because we both know that barely exists). Just gentle, doable steps that slowly brought me back to life.
1. I started with 10 minutes a day that belonged only to me
At first, it felt impossible. But I protected 10 minutes every single day like it was sacred.
Sometimes it was reading on my kindle outside on the porch while the baby napped in the stroller beside me. Sometimes it was a shower where I actually washed my hair and used the nice body wash instead of the baby one. Other days it was sitting on the floor of my closet and reading a few pages of a book with the door locked.
Ten minutes. That’s all. But those minutes reminded me:I still exist outside of motherhood.
2. I moved my body for joy, not just to get back in shape.
I stopped forcing myself to do workouts that felt like punishment. Instead, I asked: What feels good?
For me, it was putting on music and dancing around the living room with my daughter in my arms. It was long, slow walks where I pushed the stroller and listened to podcasts that had nothing to do with parenting. It was stretching on the floor while she played with blocks.
My body had done something miraculous, it grew a human. I decided it deserved kindness, not criticism.
3. I reconnected with one small piece of my old identity
Before becoming a mom, I read a lot. After the baby, I couldn’t read the way I used to the long, uninterrupted hours were gone.
So I started tiny. I read one page a day which turned to a few more pages to know what happens next.
That one small habit reminded me I was still a reader, even if I was also a mom now. The two identities could live together.
What’s one thing that used to light you up? Even if you can only do it in five minute bursts right now, try to bring it back. It matters more than you think.
4. I asked for help and accepted it without guilt.
This one was hard. I had to swallow my pride and tell my husband, my mother-in-law, my friends: I need a break.
I started with small asks “Can you take her for 30 minutes so I can go for a walk alone?”
Every time I asked, it felt uncomfortable. Every time I received the help, I felt more like myself.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be a solo sport. The village is there sometimes we just have to be brave enough to invite it in.
5. I practiced “good enough” self-care
Some days self-care looked like:
– Eating a proper meal.
– Putting on real clothes (even if it was just clean leggings and a cute top)
– Lighting a candle and turning off the big lights for 20 minutes
– A sheet mask on my 10 minutes for myself time that i bought from a random online store.
I stopped waiting for the perfect conditions (perfect sleep, perfect body, perfect schedule) and started taking care of myself in the middle of the mess.
The truth I learned
You don’t have to choose between being a good mom and being you.
The best version of me as a mother is the version where I’m also a whole person ,someone with dreams, interests, feelings, and needs.
My daughter doesn’t need a martyr. She needs a mom who knows who she is, who shows her that women are allowed to take up space, even after they become mothers.
If you’re in that lost season right now, please hear this:
You’re just in the middle of the most transformative chapter of your life.
The woman you were is still inside you a little wiser, a little softer, and carrying a lot more love.
Start small. Be ridiculously gentle with yourself.
One tiny choice at a time, you’ll find your way back.